January 2009
14 posts
Ideas for T-shirts
WH Auden: Poetry makes nothing happen.
Poetry: WH Auden makes nothing happen.
&
Nietzsche: God is dead.
God: Nietzsche is dead.
The Meadows →
A book I wrote in eight days in the summer of 2007, after spending three days in Las Vegas. Each chapter is its own entry. I thought this might make it easier to read.
Schizotypal Personality Questionnaire Scores for...
A short reading of Obdurate, done by Scott...
An excerpt from 'Pleasance' for Elvis' Birthday
(From Pleasance, pg. 30-31 by Davy Carren. Used with permission)
It was just then, right at the moment when Jamie was thinking of venturing forth to offer a few introductory words about himself, that a heavy-set man wearing a yellow headband stood up and started singing. His voice rang out, crystal clear and booming, as he crooned in a deep baritone, “Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me...
Joke #1
thelongneckgiraffe:
I have a blind uncle. He has a seeing eye dog that is also blind. They don’t go anywhere
This is a joke that Justin wrote in 2001 when we were living on Turk Street. I stole the joke from him at some point in early 2002, and started claiming it as my own when Justin moved back to LA in 2003. I actually told it, “a Seeing Eye dog that is totally blind.” I’m...
On The Deck
A break room conversation with my co-worker. (He is French, and I found out that when he says the word “deck” it sounds like “dick”)
Me—So, Dom, what’d you do this weekend?
Dom—Oh, I had the best time on my friend’s dick.
Me—Oh really?
Dom—Oh yes. He got this new dick, and, oh my God, it is so big and nice. He had it all waxed and smoothed down. Oh...
Mrs. Grady read by Davy, The Loneliest Detective...
Shouting Dos Passos from a street corner.
Business Reply Mail
Dear Kind Sirs at the American Express Rewards Card Program,
I am writing in regards to your query as to my willingness to achieve “The Gold Card Preferred Membership” with (I am downright jovial to know) pre-approved status, which you so kindly point out is not easy to achieve. First of all, I would like to thank you for congratulating me on this achievement. It is very rare that I...
Voice Overs In the Night
Chris Farley's Last Stand
They’re laughing at me
I can hear them still
All the time
Always laughing
There’s a swimming pool on the 44th floor here
I hear it’s the highest in America
But I’m sweating it out up here on sixty
As old as Belushi was when he kicked the bucket
My voice has gone hoarse and my stomach’s a water balloon
While I throw pills down the hatch
Still feeling Second City scrambling away
Like an old friend’s...